You may have heard relationships described as being hard or taking hard work. Approaching them with this perspective, though, can often lead to misguided effort if assuming that trying harder means the relationship should undoubtedly work out. This mentality can also make us question whether a relationship is healthy if we aren’t as effortful and dismisses the unique dynamic that can happen when people connect.

I find that the most successful relationships are marked by each partner understanding themselves and each other. You both bring your own experiences, motivations, and needs to a relationship. You also have your own ways of communicating, informed by other relationships, and the anxieties and fears that can interfere with effective communication.

I recognize that in coming to therapy, you are inviting me into a conversation you’ve likely been having for a while. The beginning phase of couples therapy focuses on developing our common language to describe what brings you to session, identifying reference points that are important to your experiences of each other, and determining the questions you’re asking of the space and yourselves.

The work continues to identify recurring patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behavior between the two of you, with focus on both met and unmet needs. I actively make observations and facilitate a safe space for each other prior to exploring and disclosing further. In appreciating each other’s ways of relating, you can foster more compassion and relate with ease.